Lockdown 2020: Week 5

I'm experiencing what some professionals might name as "stress", maybe. It's very different to the stress I felt last year or in 2016 when I was looking for a new job because of the stress. Both of those felt different but both were undoubtedly stress.

It feels silly  because one could argue I'm doing less work now than I normally would during the week:
I don't have 'marking', officially. 
With the new way we're setting home-learning, I'm only really having to sort out two lessons a day (4, if you split it by year group in my case) and we've found schemes of work from other professionals who've put together helpful learning packs, so I'm not having to reinvent the wheel.
I'm only contactable between the hours of 9.15 and 3.30.
I'm only supposed to reply short, positive remarks in emails when responding to work - unless it's a queary or a glaring error, of course.
I've preset about a half term's worth of afternoon activities for the children to pick and choose from so I don't need to worry about the foundation subjects for the next few weeks.

On the other hand, I'm worrying about the progress of certain children and wondering how to cater to their needs. There's one who is new to the damn country. She speaks some English. But she's been doing a very very very different curriculum and is used to a very different teaching style - that is, by wrote, not for understanding. Her understanding of maths concepts is non-existant. She can add and subtract in columns but that's it, basically.  I'm trying to find different ways to help her but at the same time trying to remind myself that I'm being limited by current circumstances and it doesn't make me a crap teacher. In fact, this should be making me a GOOD teacher, because at least I'm trying!

I'm replying to emails steadily thoughout the day - usually just one or two lines. I can't help it though. I can't just leave it with certain children as just "good job" or "thank you for sending in your work". I have to send something a bit less disingenuous sounding.  With particular children, I've been sending next steps! Because I know they'll do it or at least the parent will remind them to think about it next time.  Which is creating more work, for myself, mentally.

I'm finding myself having to justify what I do all day to my husband, who is of course working from home and doing what he'd normally be doing. Life's easier for software engineers in some respects.


I'm feeling creative, sometimes. Fleetingly.  I can't even stick to a single playlist at the moment - I'm swinging between instrumental pieces, film/t.v soundtracks I can sing along to or my main music playlist which is basically every song I've listened to since childhood. 
(At present: I've landed on soundtrack pieces and it's only because I'm finally doing something that it's stayed there as background noise. I believe this is the trial/escape of Alice from Alice in Wonderland at the moment. Yep.)

If I watch anything, it's something I've seen before and know quite well, with a couple of exceptions.
If I play a game, it's for shorter bursts now.
I don't feel like doing exercise - the only time I'll reliably do so is when it's my expensive personal training session in which case of course I'll do it. I did opt out of doing the HIIT portion though and when given options, I'm picking things I can do a bit more reliably, even though I'm making it harder on myself now. I'm yawning by 4.45.

I've enjoyed going out for walks when I've gone but I don't want to do it when it's offered.

I'm reading my kindle and am on the final of the original Newsflesh trilogy (Highly recommend you read that) but I also spent ages browsing AO3 last night looking for a very specific POTC fanfic that I couldn't even know for sure existed (I've found three or four I'm interested in).

I want to write a story but I then switch to wanting to write a poem. Then I want to write a blog entry. But I'm not sure what to write about because who cares?

I become more like myself in the evenings - maybe because my brain knows that it's "normal" for me to be doing what I'm doing in the evenings.

This set of tweets helped me to feel better about all this:

So I should be patient with myself and forgiving. If all I get done in a day is make one powerpoint presentation that's basically been screenshots of work somebody else has kindly shared and a video of me reading a chapter of our class book for school, then that's good enough. 

Good enough should be an OFSTED rating, but that's a whole other rant.

 I'm ending with a very appropriate song: 'Shiny' from Moana.

Well, well, well
Little Maui's having trouble with his look
You little semi-demi-mini-god
Ouch! What a terrible performance
Get the hook (get it?)
You don't swing it like you used to, man

Me too, Maui. Me too.